Frustrated by my "calling"--- what is a "calling" anyway?

"What's your 'calling'?" "Oh! That's your 'calling!'" "Oh, my. You missed your 'calling.'"
Have you heard these questions before? I have. Apparently, I have missed my calling to work as a camp director, or at an advertising agency, or as a professional singer, blah, blah, blah. My sister is the camp director, folks. Perhaps you have mistaken me for someone else in advertising. Yes, I like singing, but I don't want that life.

So what IS a "calling"? At this moment in time, my "calling" is to be a wife, mother, and homeschooling teacher. But is there something more? Maybe. Maybe not. It's fourth quarter...the time of the year when homeschooling parents start to get weary of the school year. I was chatting with some other moms last night and they were comparing progress in their text books. Were they going to finish by the "end" of the year? As for me, at this point every year, I doubt my capabilities and wonder if I'll continue next year. My philosophies on homeschooling haven't changed a bit. I still see the incredible value in it. I just wonder if I'm a "good enough" teacher. I start the year off strong, but things just slip away during the year. Looks at my planner. You'll see the trend. We hang in there with the basics- 3 Rs (which only 1 starts with an "R").

If I were to send the kids to school somewhere, I'd have to get a job! Yikes! I'm really not fond of that idea. Homeschooling is much more appealing at this time.

So my question is this: what do people really mean by your "calling"? It makes sense in terms of religious service. At one point in time, I felt "called" to be in full-time ministry. Obviously, that hasn't happened as far as a formal career goes. I didn't even go past an associates degree! I did work part-time as a church secretary- but that's not really what I thought I was "called" to do.

I am very frustrated right now with such things. If you have read any of this blog, you know that I am a new Catholic. I am having incredible revelations and experiences through this process! I sometimes feel like I could convert the whole world if I knew where to start! But I don't know where to start. When Friendship Bread was taking over my kitchen, I considered starting some sort of bread ministry, but didn't know where to start. Thankfully, my kitchen has recovered and that has passed. It might still be a valuable ministry, but those thoughts have passed by.

I want to serve God. I do.

I listen to Fr. John Corapi in the mornings on the radio. He has said many times that he believes that one of the highest callings is that of a mother. Yet, this seems so mundane at times. Also, I don't think I do a very good job of it. Folks outside of my house think that because my kids are mostly well behaved, I'm "doing something right." Ha! I don't really "do" anything. Seriously, folks. I'm quite lazy. How else do I have time to sit on facebook and blog! I'm neglecting other parts of my home and family. Clothes are in the washer in the moment, but aren't washing cause its too loud. I hope I remember to turn it on when I decide to go upstairs.

I now find myself rambling. *sigh*
Not even sure where I was going with this.
TTFN